Stephen Metcalfe

                            

A mistake was made.  Yes.  The lovely wife had errands to run before supper and left the youngsters at home alone.   Normally the “youngsters” are to be trusted.  They play, they sleep, they investigate.   This day was different.  They were in the kitchen.

Dude, what is that up there on the counter?

I do not know.  I cannot see that far.   But… but it… it smells… good!

I dunno, Dude.  Lots of things smell good.  Some of’m don’t come out so nice.  Remember the salsa.

I do not know what this is, but it is not salsa.  Oh!  Oh, dear.   My stomach is rumbling.

Dude, your stomach always rumbles.  You’re a Lab.

I am drooling.

Dude, you are always drooling.  

I am hungry.

Dude… you are always hungry.

I think… I think we should have a taste.

I don’t think that’s a good idea.

A small one.

Dude, they’ll be pissed.

Please!!   A very small one.  It smells wonderful.   I am rumbling and drooling both at the same time.  I am getting an erection.

Spare me.  Trouble is, Dude, it’s up there on the counter.

You could get it.

Me?

I have seen you jump.  You are a Vishla.  You jump high.   You could get it.  You could it bring it down.

I dunno, dude, this is a pretty stiff  jump even for a junior stud like me.

You could vault off my back.   

What?   Are you crazy?

No!  You can do it.  I know you can.  You will take a running start.  You will vault off my back!  You will get it!  And we will have a bite.  And then we will put it back.

A bite, huh?  Just a bite?

A small one.

All right.  I’m gonna regret this but… don’t move.  And… go!

You have done it!   You are up there!   You are on the counter!

Whoa, Dude, this thing is unbelievable.

I know it is!  I can smell that it is!  Now bring it down and we will have a bite!   A small one!

I dunno, Dude.  Maybe I better extensively check it out first.

No!!!

Aw, Dude, the juice is delicious.

Bring it down!  NOW!!!!

All right, all right, hold your waddles.   In coming!   Awww!  Dude!  You didn’t catch it!  The plate broke!

I do not care about the plate! 

Dude, you gonna help me down or what?   Dude?  Dude, come on, leave me some!   At least a wing!

No!  All mine!  All for me!   Is this cilantro?!

What do you care?   You’re eating so fast, you’re not even tasting.

I am tasting!  I am taking small bites! 

Yeah, like a steam shovel.   Okay, coming down.   Ouch.  That hurt! 

Get back up on the counter.  Get away!

Dude, I’m not going near you, you might start eating me.

I am in ecstasy.  I am in heaven.  Is this the pope’s nose?

Dude, that’s a bone.  You are now officially eating bones.

They are delicious!

And you are a garbage disposal.

No, I am a Labrador.

Same thing.

Oh, my goodness!  It is gone!  It is all gone!  What happened to it?

You ate it, Dude.  Every bite.

No!!!!!

Dude, you’re  insane.  We’ll put it in your papers.  Insane dog.  

There must be more!  Oooh!  Wait!  There is!

No, Dude, you’re licking the floor.

Oh!   Woe is me!   It is gone!  There is nothing left.  Woe is me, woe, woe!

You realize, Dude, you are now probably going to have diarrhea for a week.

I do not care.   I like diarrhea.

Nobody else does.

No.  They will love me. We will play fetch the tennis ball and they will love me!

Not when they see the broken plate.

Ooooh!   You are right!   The plate!

No!  Don’t eat it!

Oh!   What shall we do?  What shall we do?  You are smart.  You are a Hungarian hunting hound.  What shall we do?

Not my problem, Dude.  You’re the one who ate the thing.

You helped me.   You got it down.   They know I cannot jump  high.   They will blame you.   You are a puppy, and  they will blame you, not me.

Okay, look, we’re gonna pin it on the fat, furry idiots in the other room, okay?  

The Doodles!  Yes!

Okay.  So get’m in here and everybody’ll blame them.

Oh!  That is smart!   You are smart.  That is why I like you.

Dude, you like everybody.

I cannot help it.  It is my nature.  And now I must go to the bathroom.

First things first, Dude.   You now know the plan.   Any questions?

Yes!  Yes!   What time is dinner?

Aw, Dude.  Really?