For additional scenes, select a play:
Selected Scene from THE INCREDIBLY FAMOUS WILLY RIVERS
Lights come up. In the middle of a crowded subway car, a shades-wearing Willy Rivers and three young women in heavy make-up and tight clothing stand tight together. The young women speak with a heavy Queens, N.Y. accents. To Willy:
GIRL 1
Hey.
GIRL 2
Hey.
GIRL 3
Hey.
A beat. Girl 1 throws a hard elbow to get Willy’s attention.
GIRL 1
Hey!
GIRL 2
Bozo!
GIRL 3
Don’t ya see we’re talkin at ya?
ALL THREE
Cheese!
WILLY
Sorry, what?
GIRL 1
Ignore him.
A moment.
GIRL 1
Ya hear?
WILLY
Hear what?
GIRL 2
He!
GIRL 3
Is makin a comeback!
WILLY
Who?
GIRL 1
Ya so unread.
WILLY
Yeah, lately I don’t have time to keep up with the news.
GIRL 2
Tsk. Willy.
WILLY
Willy who?
GIRL 1
Ya so ignorant!
GIRL 3
Willy Rivers!
GIRL 1
It’s so exciting!
GIRL 2
It’s an event!
GIRL 3
Willy.
ALL THREE
Rivers!
WILLY
Yeah. Wow. He’s making a – a what?
GIRL 1
Tsk. A comeback?
GIRL 2
From the tragic assassination attempt of catastrophic importance that nearly ended his career not to mention his friggin’ life!
GIRL 3
Tsk. Why are the nice lookin’ ones so dim.
GIRL 1
From the shootin’, okay?
GIRL 3
Where ya’s been keepin’ ya’self – Mars?
They all giggle.
GIRL 1
I myself personally cried when he got shot.
GIRL 2
I died when he got shot.
GIRL 3
I bled fahr’m. And posted it on You Tube.
WILLY
Willy Rivers. He sure is very famous.
GIRL 1
And rich.
WILLY
Oh, yeah.
GIRL 2
And cute.
WILLY
Really?
GIRL 3
He’s got one a them faces.
WILLY
The rich, famous, and cute. They live the life, don’t they?
Willy and the girls sigh as one.
GIRL 1
Celestial.
WILLY
Where’d we go wrong.
GIRL 2
Oh, speak fah ya`self I’m sure.
GIRL 3
Y’know, I saw’r him once. It was at the corner of 57th and Madison and he was gettting out of a limo the size of a small third world country. That’s how they travel, see. He looked nothin’ like his photos but I figured he was incognito and so I knew it was him and I nearly peed. All cause I saw’r him.
WILLY
I touched him once.
GIRL 1
Oh. Well… if ya must know, I made it with him. It was under a table at the Hard Rock Cafe. It was 3 a.m. and I’d had about 14 kamikazes, but I knew it was him by his tender touch. And I’ve thanked my lucky stars ever since. Because I made it with Willy Rivers.
WILLY
You too?
ALL THREE
(a shocked gasp)
Ooh! No…
WILLY
Incredibly famous people of catastrophic importance, they’re always swinging both ways.
GIRL 2
Well… if ya must know, I personally had hoped to bear his child.
WILLY
I can’t top that.
GIRL 2
I bet he remembers me.
GIRL 1
I bet you gave him something to remember.
GIRL 2
Oh, speak fah ya’self, I’m sure!
WILLY
Hey. Hey. Hey. Are you going to get tickets?
GIRL 3
One can only hope.
WILLY
What is it he does again?
GIRL 1
Well… I ain’t sure.
Girl 2
But from what we understand, it tears ya heart out.
WILLY
He’s good, huh?
GIRL 3
Tsk. Good-shmood! When there’s the possibility that some pyscho’s gonna be packin a piece and blastin away, know what you are at? A multi-social-media-poly-cultural event!
WILLY
The things some people charge admission to, huh?
GIRL 1
Ain’t it the truth.
GIRL 2
Charge a guy and you’s a whore.
GIRL 3
But add a gun an’ a few seats and you’s a spectacular entertainment.
Pause
WILLY
Do I know that.
Stephen Metcalfe 