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Selected Scene from STRANGE SNOW
Martha enters the living room. She dries her head with a towel. Seeing her, Megs tries not to laugh.
MARTHA
What? What!?
MEGS
You, girl! I still hear your teeth chattering!
MARTHA
I was so cold. If you hadn’t had that blanket in the car I’d have frozen to death.
MEGS
You were really something, Martha.
MARTHA
Every trout for a hundred miles is probably hiding under a rock in a state of shock.
MEGS
Martha, your fish was getting away!
MARTHA
I know! But I never thought you’d push me right in after it!
MEGS
I got excited. I knew you wanted him. Man, he was beautiful, huh, Martha? A real rainbow.
MARTHA
I felt as though I’d stepped on a frog. I could feel him through the string.
MEGS
He felt you.
MARTHA
He was heavy.
MEGS
Woman, he was cousin to the Loch Ness monster! You got him out onto that bank, I thought, look out, Martha! That baby’s gone take your leg off!
MARTHA
No!
MEGS
Hey, would I lie? Good thing he threw the hook. He was getting’ pissed.
MARTHA
No. He was desperate. My heart went out to him.
MEGS
Hey, didn’t I tell you there’d be one waitin with your name on it? M-A-R-T-H-A! It was a good time?
MARTHA
It was a wonderful time, Joseph.
MEGS
Yeah? Well, that’s just great.
MARTHA
You are having some soup.
MEGS
Get out.
MARTHA
Come on. To the kitchen. Split pea with ham. Homemade.
MEGS
Get out. If food doesn’t come out of a can, I got a hard time recognizing it.
MARTHA
I’ll have you know I’m a very good cook.
MEGS
Well, we’re a team then cause I like to eat.
MARTHA
Do your girlfriends cook for you?
MEGS
Uh, truth is, Martha, I been kinda keeping a low profile in the girlfriend department. Got kinda tired of mud wrestlers and hog callers. What about you, Martha, you must have to fight’m off with tomahawks.
MARTHA
I’m sorry to inform you I’ve given up the fight.
MEGS
Come on, woman! You’re built like a brick shithouse.
MARTHA
What?
MEGS
Oh, damn. Me and my mouth again. But you are, Martha. I noticed it straight off.
MARTHA
That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I’m shapeless.
MEGS
Solid. Sturdy. You’re a battleship!
MARTHA
With the face of an icebreaker.
MEGS
No!
MARTHA
Stop contracting me. I know what I am. Plain and unattractive. I look in the mirror every morning. I live with what I see.
MEGS
Y’know, Martha, some folks, they get ugly the minute they open their mouths. And other people, like you, Martha, the more you get to know’m, the better lookin they get.
MARTHA
Very few share your opinion.
MEGS
Oh. You give’m a chance to?
MARTHA
Yes, I do. And I’m a fool for trying. You think I’d have learned by now. You think I’d have learned at the start.
(Then:)
The soup is almost hot.
(Then:)
David had to get me a date for my high school formal. I was on the decorations committee, the tickets committee. I put together the whole thing. Nobody asked me to go. David rounded up his friends and told them that one of them had to invite me or he’d beat them all up. I think they drew straws. I didn’t know. Suddenly I was invited, that’s all that mattered. I was so happy. Well, it was something that couldn’t be kept quiet, David blackmail. I heard rumors. I confronted David. He wouldn’t admit what he’d done but I knew.
MEGS
You go?
MARTHA
I got very sick the night of prom. A 24-hour thing. David meant well.
MEGS
I crashed mine. Yeah, I did. Walked in, stood there, grinning like a mad man, hopin’ somebody’d try to throw me out. I think I also was very sick the night of the prom.
MARTHA
Wouldn’t we have made a lovely couple.
MEGS
You’d gone with me?
MARTHA
What?
MEGS
If, y’know, I’da like, asked you, you’da gone with me?
MARTHA
Well… yes.
MEGS
No.
MARTHA
Yes.
MEGS
Get the hell out.
MARTHA
You get the… out. Yes, I would have gone with you.
MEGS
Well, goddamn, woman, we’da had a great time! I can see it. I come to pick you up. I knock on the door.
He exits outside. He knocks on the door.
MARTHA
What are you doing? What are you doing!?
MEGS
(Sticking his head in)
This ain’t detention, Martha, it’s the prom. Answer the door.
MARTHA
You’re in.
MEGS
(Arms wide)
Hah? Hah?
MARTHA
What?
MEGS
Your Mom, she thinks I look very dashing in my tuxedo.
MARTHA
Oh, you do.
MEGS
Your father comes over to shake hands. He smells my breath, to see if I’ve been drinkin’. I have.
MARTHA
He approves. And offers you an aperitif for the road.
MEGS
Too late! You make your entrance down the stairs! And you look terrific.
MARTHA
My gown is silk and gossamer.
MEGS
And your hair is just so. Hey, you know what it is? It’s beautiful.
MARTHA
Preposterous. My shoes?
MEGS
You click your heels together three times, they’d take you to Kansas. There is a moment of embarrassment as I pin on your corsage. I am timid.
MARTHA
Of the occasion?
MEGS
Of your gunboats!
MARTHA
(Giggling)
Stop! I smile reassuringly.
MEGS
And the air is heavy with the portent of things to come! Shall we go?
MARTHA
The chariot awaits?
MEGS
In honor of the occasion I have thrown all the empty liquor bottles in the back seat.
MARTHA
How thoughtful. We arrive?
MEGS
We knock’m dead. You’re beautiful.
MARTHA
You’re handsome
MEGS
We dance.
(Dancing wildly to:)
En-a-gadda-de-vida, Baby!
Martha giggles. Megs stops.
MEGS
They play a slow one.
He begins to sing/hum “Michelle” by the Beatles. Martha becomes nervous as he takes her in his arms.
MARTHA
This is stupid.
MEGS
Just dancing.
He pulls her closer. Martha becoming more anxious, until —
MARTHA
Please, no. Stop. Please, stop. I said, get your hands off me!
She pushes him away.
MEGS
That’s thing about shy people, Martha. They think everybody is lookin’. Nobody is. Cept me.
And I like what I see.
Stephen Metcalfe 